


Planting Seeds in the Garden You Never Get to See

by lastchildofkrypton



Series: Planting Seeds in the Garden We Never Get to See [1]
Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: AU, F/F, Grown up Flora
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27462865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastchildofkrypton/pseuds/lastchildofkrypton
Summary: Henry doesn't make it out of Bly alive. Dani and Jamie leave, taking Flora and Miles with them. They create a new life for themselves; a full, happy life.Flora looks back on that life after the passing of one of the people who loved her the most. Perhaps more than even she knew.
Relationships: Dani Clayton/Jamie
Series: Planting Seeds in the Garden We Never Get to See [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021779
Comments: 43
Kudos: 234





	1. The Company You Kept

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story for Bly and honestly I am so so scared to post this. I hope it makes sense and that you enjoy (flashbacks are in italics)

“Your parents passed when you were young, is that right?”

Flora forces her eyes up, to the therapist that she was all but forced to speak with. She’s an adult now, just past her twenty-first birthday. She’s an adult, there’s no denying that, but more often than not she still feels as if she’s a child; more than she ever did when she was young. It’s in the way Miles reasons with her and Jamie looks at her. It’s in all the things that surround her now, in another new place; trying to tread water through this new wave of grief.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“And now…”

He trails off. She isn’t sure, she never saw a therapist after her parents died, but she’s fairly certain he should be more eloquent than he’s proven himself to be throughout their first two sessions. She picks at the thread in her jeans and forces a deep, slow breath, through her nose. The way Dani always told her. The way Jamie still tells her.

“And now Dani.” She says, doing his work for him.

His glasses slip further down his nose. He doesn’t adjust them and it sends a shadow over one of his eyes.

“Would you like to talk about that?”

“I don’t know what there is to really say. She killed herself. She was sick for a long time and she decided one day that she had enough.” She shrugs. “I can’t say I blame her.”

“When you say she was sick…”

“In her mind. Depression or a personality disorder, it never had a name; at least not to us. Whatever it was, it made her think there was someone else inside of her or something was coming to get her. I don’t know. She and Aunt Jamie did their best to keep it from us. We would still catch pieces of their conversations, usually late at night when they thought we were sleeping.”

Flora lets out another deep exhale, this time it isn’t slow, it’s harsh and quick. She feels the devastation that’s filled her for weeks bubble up in her throat. The exhaustion and anxious adrenaline fight a fierce battle inside of her. It feels as if her veins might burst open and spill what life is left inside of her all over the floor. She grips the fabric of her sweater in her fists and squeezes as tightly as she can.

“Like I said, she was very sick, for a very long time, and I don’t blame her for what she did.”

“It’s alright to be angry, without placing blame.”

  
“I could never be angry with Dani. She only did what she thought was right. That’s all she ever did. So, I’m not angry, I’m just so so sad.”

* * *

“ _Flora?”_

_They haven’t been in Vermont for long; a few weeks. It’s been quiet, for the most part, and that is a large part why they picked it. New York, or Boston, or even London, would have been too much of a culture shock: too loud, too quick in comparison to Bly. Not to mention, there would be too many people to ask questions._

_The questions are daunting. There are so many that Dani and Jamie have yet to find answers to. Luckily, the children have been able to find comfort in them, and in each other, but they assume there will come a time when that is no longer enough; they’ll need to branch out for help. The longer Dani thinks about it, the more it upsets her, so she pushes that thought aside, again, just for now._

“ _Flora, where did you go?”_

_She focuses at the task at hand now. Finding Flora, who ran off after a particularly bad nightmare. She does her best to call out quietly, not wanting to wake Miles who is thankfully sleeping soundly in his bed._

_In the dark, she feels like she could be back at Bly. She lets her hand slide against the wall to guide her through the dark hallway. She passes the kitchen, moving toward Flora’s bedroom, hoping she has crawled back into bed. That’s when she hears it. The little sniffle and whimper of the little girl; her little girl now._

“ _Flora.”_

_There is such, deep, empathy in her voice that it makes Flora want to cry harder. She’s curled up in the breakfast nook, behind the table._

“ _I’m terribly sorry.”_

“ _Oh, sweet girl, you don’t need to be sorry. You had another nightmare?”_

“ _A bad one. About Uncle Henry.”_

_Dani swallows and nods. She doesn’t know what to say to that. She crawls in behind the table and places herself just barely close enough for their arms to touch._

“ _I’m sorry.”_

“ _It isn’t fair. He didn’t do anything wrong. None of us did.”_

“ _You’re right. I wish there was more I could do, more I could have done. I wish none of it ever happened.”_

“ _What do we do now?”_

_Even in the darkness of their sleeping house, Dani knows the look in Flora’s eyes. It’s the same look she’s received nearly every night since they met; fear of the unknown. The depth of this little girl’s eyes astonishes her, even still. She knows there are images behind them unlike anything else; because if there were any way to describe Bly, it would be otherworldly. And it all sits within these children._

“ _You know, I don’t really know, but I think… I think we can figure it out, together: you and me, Miles and Jamie. I think we kind of have to.”_

_Flora rests her head on Dani’s shoulder, falling limply within her own exhaustion against her. Dani rests her cheek on top of her head, allowing her eyes to close, for just a few seconds. She takes in this moment._

_**I can make a difference with just two.** _

_Her own words have been haunting her lately. She surely made a difference, she just can’t be sure whether or not it was for the better. She can’t be sure until… well, for a while at least. Hopefully._

* * *

“You moved to Vermont after your uncle passed?”

She doesn’t remember her Uncle Henry, not much anyway. She has vague memories of his voice and his hair, dark like their father’s. Although she assumes she truly only knows that based on the one photograph they’ve managed to hang onto of the both of them.

The only true memory she has of him is his absence; his chosen absence when she was young and his more permanent absence now.

“Yes, that’s right. Jamie and Dani moved us here right after; they said we needed a change.”

“And do you think it helped?”

“Probably more than it hurt. But I suppose there’s no real way to know.”

He seems stumped by her answer. Like she’s cut off the next roads of conversation. His lips purse and he jots something down on his notepad.

“Look, we can sit here all day long and try to analyze my childhood, but I don’t know who that is going to help. What’s done is done and we all have to live with the consequences. We’ve always been an ‘act first, ask questions later’ kind of family. I don’t know why that would change now.”

“Are you? Left with a lot of questions, I mean.”

* * *

“ _Jamie?”_

“ _Hm?”_

_Flora bounces up to her, behind the counter in their little flower shop. Jamie lifts her, so she is able to sit on top of the counter, closer to her eye level._

“ _Can I ask you a question?”_

“ _Of course you can.”_

“ _Are we ever going back to England?”_

“ _Oh, uh, I don’t… do you want to?”_

_Flora shrugs her little shoulders; that always seem so heavy with the weight of their world. Lately, they’ve seemed lighter, just a little bit._

_She grits her teeth, preparing herself to say what needs to be said. Through the past few months, there has been a lot to adjust to. In their new situation, as caretakers to these children, there’s been a lot that Jamie has dreaded, still does; a lot that she isn’t sure she’ll be able to handle when the time comes. Being brutally honest with them, because they deserve nothing less, is not something she is fond of. But they’re too smart to be lied to._

“ _No, I don’t think we will ever go back to England. If you choose to, when you’re grown up, then we can’t stop you. But as it stands now, we are staying here.”_

“ _Okay.”_

“ _Yeah?”_

_She had expected an argument, or at least some kind of sadness at the loss of their childhood home; the place where they once played and laughed and lived with their parents. But behind her eyes, in her voice, there’s nothing but pure acceptance. Jamie lets her breath out and helps her down off of the counter. She watches her bounce away, unaffected by their little conversation._

_She turns back around, with her perfect Flora smile, and says,_

“ _As long as those days are with you. Right?”_

\----------------

“Would you consider your childhood, despite those losses, a happy one?”

“Well, Dani and Jamie, they uh, they made it really hard to be anything else.” Flora answers, with more honesty than she’s answered any of the other questions.

The truth is, she doesn’t remember her parents. She doesn’t really remember her uncle, or the others from Bly; just Owen with his horrible puns and amazing cakes. But from the time she was eight until she was eighteen, and was able to go further out into the world, Dani and Jamie were it. They were everything to her, and to Miles, and she isn’t sure how they did it.

“I loved my life. Every strange second of it.”

* * *

“ _Baby, it’s fine. It looks delicious.” Jamie says, walking up behind Dani._

_She’s been meticulous with the pink frosting. She’s barely blinked in the last two minutes, careful not to mess up the tiny lavender flowers along the edges. Jamie places her hands on Dani’s upper arms, and she finally stops. The muscles, that are tensed more than usual, relax under the graze of gentle fingertips._

“ _It looks amazing.”_

“ _I just, it’s her first birthday since…”_

“ _I know.”_

“ _It just needs to be perfect.”_

_One more look at Jamie’s playful exasperation and she relaxes fully._

“ _Should we wake them or…?”_

_Jamie shrugs, “I think they’ve earned their rest. Don’t you?”_

_Flora and Miles watch them from the end of the hallway. They watch like they have so many times before; looking for answers, desperately trying to understand adulthood. It rarely gives them what they’re looking for, except right now. Right now, watching them hold one another, being so soft with each other, the way their parents never seemed to be, it gives them comfort. It gives them the comfort they’ve been sorely without for far too long._

“ _It seems so strange.”_

“ _What does?”_

“ _It hasn’t even been a full year, and yet, everything in our lives is different. How does that just happen?”_

“ _I think you know how it happened.”_

_Dani scoffs and shakes her head. She knows there’s nothing just about it. It didn’t just happen. Life isn’t just this way. It’s been forged through sacrifice and hardship, and yet it feels as if it was always meant to be._

“ _There she is!” Jamie nearly shouts, when Flora walks out into the kitchen._

_She lifts her up to sit on the counter and pushes a piece of hair behind her ear. Miles leans against the counter, letting Jamie ruffle his hair, which always seems to fall perfectly back into place._

“ _Is this for me?”_

“ _Mhm, do you like it?” Dani asks, more worried than she probably should be about a birthday cake._

“ _Oh yes, it’s perfect.”_

_They both wait for the end of the phrase. It never comes._

* * *

“ _Goodnight, sweet girl.” Dani says, wrapping the fluffy pink comforter around her shoulders and shaking her just slightly; a nightly ritual._

_Jamie watches from the doorway. Her arms crossed over her chest, leaning against it for support after a very long day. She never thought she would be here. She never thought, while trudging through her days at Bly, that she would have a love like the one she feels for Dani. She never thought she’d have children to care for, or that if she did she’d be any good at it, but she’s learning. She never thought she’d be so damn lucky._

“ _Dani?”_

“ _Hm?”_

“ _Are there many people born with two different color eyes?”_

_Dani squints and tilts her head, confused by the question._

“ _Oh, uh, I don’t know, I…”_

“ _Heterochromia. That’s what it’s called. I read it in a book at the library.”_

_Dani looks over her shoulder at Jamie._

“ _Flora, you know I wasn’t born like this.”_

_Dani barely feels Jamie’s hand on her shoulder, as she joins them on the bed. She feels herself floating away, like she’s back in the lake; watching Flora look at her with such confusion. It quickly turns to a bemused smile._

“ _What do you mean, you must have. It doesn’t just happen on accident.”_

_Jamie grips Dani’s hand in both of her own._

“ _You’re right. It- it doesn’t. I, um...” Dani stutters out, trying to keep her breathing even._

“ _It’s time for bed.” Jamie interjects._

“ _Goodnight.” Flora says, already drifting off._

_Dani rushes out of the room but Jamie stays, for just another minute. She watches Flora’s breathing slow as she falls into a gentle, welcoming slumber. She leans over and kisses her head._

“ _What the hell was that?” Dani asks, from the far corner of their bedroom, once the door is closed._

“ _I don’t know.”_

“ _She’s forgetting? Jamie, she… when I said that, it was like she was looking through me, like…”_

_Jamie wraps her tightly in her arms. She kisses her temple and sways them back and forth._

“ _We’ll sort it out. I don’t know what this means but…”_

_Dani pulls back. She looks into Jamie’s eyes. It was odd at first, her eyes; the eyes Jamie had fallen so deeply into, being suddenly different. Different colors, sure, but there is something else there now. She can’t quite place it but there’s something… not Dani._

“ _What?”_

“ _Would it be such a bad thing if they forgot?”_

* * *

“There are a lot of things I can’t seem to remember about growing up.” Flora says, almost wincing, like it’s a painful admission. “Things I feel like I should remember.”

“That’s not uncommon for children who suffered trauma at a young age.”

“That doesn’t really make it any easier. Most days I can’t even remember my parents names or what Bly looked like.”

“Bly?”

“It’s where we grew up. Well, sort of, our family’s summer home. Miles doesn’t remember it much either. Isn’t that strange? We should be able to remember a place where we spent so much time. Instead, the memories just kind of come and go. They’re kind of like…”

“Like waves.”

“Yeah. Like waves.”

* * *

“ _Miles stop!” Flora yells, running after her brother into the living room._

_They’ve quickly outgrown their small apartment. It was the first place they could find in Vermont with little money or resources. At the time, it was quaint and cozy. But the children are a year older now, and bigger, and louder. Their life is fuller and they need to expand._

“ _Stop fighting you two.” Dani says, packing dishes into a large box._

“ _That’ll be the day.” Jamie says, mostly under her breath, but she knows Dani caught it when she gives a small smirk._

“ _Miles that’s mine.”_

_Dani walks over, hands on her hips. They both stop and look up at her. She extends her hand and Miles places a piece of paper in it. It’s one of Flora’s drawings. A drawing of Bly._

_Well, almost, but something isn’t quite right. Dani has seen Flora’s drawings of the house before, they were always done the same way, with an accuracy far beyond what you would expect. But this one isn’t quite right._

“ _Wow, Picasso, what do we have here?”_

“ _It’s what I think our new house should have looked like.”_

“ _Oh yeah? Like Bly?”_

_This piques Jamie’s interest and she joins them, wordlessly taking the picture._

“ _What’s a Bly?” Miles asks._

_Jamie watches Dani’s muscles tense._

“ _Nevermind. Flora, it’s a beautiful drawing. And Miles, please don’t take your sister’s things.”_

“ _Sorry.”_

* * *

“But you have other memories from your childhood.”

“Of course. But they all start around eight years old. When we moved to the states. Like when we moved we were reborn or something. Which in a way, I guess we kind of were.”

* * *

“ _Are you nervous?” Jamie asks, with a playful smirk._

“ _No.”_

_Miles’ response is immediate; confident to the point where it shows every tense muscle and flick of the eyes._

“ _What about you Flora?”_

“ _I’m excited.”_

_Her response makes up for every ounce of uncertainty in her brother’s. It’s even and smooth, like her words often are._

_They are standing outside of the small schoolhouse on the other side of town. It looks like something out of a book Dani read when she was young; like it’s from another time altogether._

_It’s been two years since they left England, the kids accents have all but faded, right along with nearly every memory of their previous life. It happened quicker than they thought it would. And yet, it feels like they’ve lived an entire new lifetime._

“ _If there are any problems, you call us and we’ll come get you, alright?”_

_Miles nods. Flora bounces on her heels; raring to go like a bull at a gate. Miles gives both Jamie and Dani a quick hug, but at nearly thirteen he’s too old to show much affection in public anymore. Jamie grabs Flora’s hand and twirls her into a hug before kissing her head._

“ _Have a good day.”_

“ _Bye sweet girl, have a wonderful day.” Dani says, barely getting the whole sentence out before Flora is running off to the front door._

_They watch as the kids move inside. Dani sighs and rests her head on Jamie’s shoulder._

“ _They’ll be alright, Poppins. They need this.”_

“ _I know, the normalcy is good for them. I just…”_

“ _I know. I hate having them out of my sight.”_

_Flora slows once they’re through the front door. It isn’t quite what she imagined, it’s much smaller and fuller than she thought it would be. There are no pictures hung on the wall or tables for her to sit and do work with her friends. It’s just pale gray walls and individual desks in perfect rows. It’s stale and cold, even at the tail end of summer._

“ _Miles?”_

“ _What?”_

“ _Is this what every school is like or just this one?”_

_She doesn’t remember her old school. According to Dani, she had only gone for a year before her parents died. Then it was all tutoring and home-schooling. Right now, she would much prefer to be doing her work at the kitchen table with Dani._

“ _They must all be like this to a point.”_

_Miles knows he was at a boarding school back in England although when he tries to think about the specifics nothing ever seems to come to mind. There’s a faint image of a white bird and a tall tree, but the rest is… fuzzy._

“ _It’ll be alright.”_

_Flora nods and stiffens her jaw. He sounds more sure of it now and that’s enough for her._

* * *

_Vermont isn’t the worst place to grow up. There’s beautiful trees and the snow in the winter is nice. Their small town allows more freedom than most other places for children so young. But Flora’s favorite place among all of it, is and will always be The Leafling. The little flower shop that Dani and Jamie opened not too long after settling in town._

_It always smells heavenly. The customers are kind and know Flora by name now; sometimes they even bring their dogs with them. Jamie spends hours arranging flowers for all kinds of events: weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, birthdays, funerals, and sometimes they’re just because. Those are Flora’s favorite._

_The just because flowers. The kind that Dani and Jamie give to one another. Sometimes Flora will wake up to a small flower on her bedside table in a little vase of water. It’s their language._

_It’s a language she’s become fluent in, so she knows something is wrong when she wakes to a bouquet of lillies on the kitchen table. There’s a quiet that is unlike the usual calm of Sunday mornings. She tiptoes out into the main part of the house to find it empty. Undoubtedly her brother is still sleeping, but she wonders where Dani and Jamie could be. They never work on the weekends and Sundays are typically reserved for big breakfasts and hikes in the woods; even on chilly mornings like this one._

_Her toes scrunch up against the cold tile floor as she works her way toward the patio doors. Through the glass she can see Dani and Jamie curled up in one of the lounge chairs; wrapped in a blanket. Dani has her head resting on Jamie’s shoulder, it almost looks like they’re sleeping. When she listens closely she can hear the murmur of their voices, muffled through the glass._

_She takes one more look back at the bright white flowers in their vase before pushing the door open and stepping outside._

“ _Good morning.”_

_She isn’t sure if that’s the right greeting. But it’s the only thing she can think of to say._

“ _Oh, Flora, you scared me.” Dani says, turning her head further into Jamie to wipe away a stray tear._

_Flora turns her attention to her feet, until Dani looks back up. Jamie sees the inquisition in her eyes. She answers before anyone has to stumble through awkward questions._

“ _They’re for a friend.”_

“ _A friend from here or a friend from there?”_

“ _Hannah. That was her name. Or I suppose, you knew her as Mrs. Grose.”_

_Flora tries her hardest to remember. She feels like it should spark something, a name like that, but with nearly five years separating her from that place, it’s an impossible task. She shakes her head, a sort of apology, before sitting on the end of the chair; letting Jamie take one of her hands. Dani doesn’t move, but her eyes, meet Flora’s and it settles the queasy feeling in her stomach; she isn’t mad that she doesn’t remember._

“ _She was the housekeeper, in title, but she was so much more than that. She had been working at Bly long before I came around,” Jamie starts, “she was the kindest person I ever knew.”_

“ _She knew my mom and dad?”_

“ _Yeah, she and your mom were good friends; Charlotte really trusted her. So did I.”_

“ _So did I.” Dani adds._

“ _The lillies?”_

“ _Today would have been her birthday.”_

“ _I’m sorry.”_

“ _You have nothing to be sorry for.” Jamie says, with a tone so deep and reassuring that Flora knows she means it with every ounce of her being._

_She isn’t sure why she feels so much surrounding their previous home. She can’t find a reason why, when she tries to think about Bly, or when Jamie or Dani mention a piece of their old life, she feels as if she could cry. She wonders if it’s grief over all the things she lost, or if it’s relief that she can’t remember._


	2. While You Waited for Your Beast in the Jungle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind words and reaction to the first chapter :)

“Sometimes I think I remember something, but then, I think it must be some kind of false memory. I must remember because Jamie or Dani told me about it so many times. They’ve tried their best to help me and Miles remember but it always seems to fall short.”

“And how does that make you feel?”

“Guilty.” She says, with a shrug.

It isn’t the first time she’s had this thought and it, most certainly, will not be the last.

“For forgetting your parents?”

“No, for the idea that me trying to remember so hard, desperately wanting the image of my parents to pop back into my mind, asking a million and one questions, may have made Jamie and Dani feel like they weren’t enough for me.”

“Do you think they’ve ever actually felt that way, or do you think that’s just your mind playing tricks on you?”

Another shrug, “I don’t know. It’s become very clear to me recently that I have no clue what’s going on in other people’s heads.”

* * *

_Flora is on the couch, trying her best to focus on her math textbook. Her eyes keep wandering and she can’t quite muster up the motivation to stop them. Through the open layout of their house, she watches Dani and Jamie in the kitchen. Jamie is sitting up on the counter, telling a story that makes Dani laugh. Dani’s hands are busy- they always are -in the sink, washing a plate._

_Flora thinks she may have forgotten she was even holding it, while her eyes linger on Jamie’s. But then she looks back down at it, for just a moment, before she lets out a gasp and drops it on the floor. Her wet hands fly up to her mouth. She bumps into the counter behind her as her eyes go wide. Flora stands from her spot but doesn’t move any closer._

“ _What happened?” Jamie’s voice echoes around the room but she doesn’t receive an answer, not right away anyway. “Dani?”_

_They share a moment of knowing silence. What’s shared between them Flora will never know. She waits, her own breath, held tightly in her chest. The look in Dani’s eyes, the fear, isn’t necessarily new but even she can tell, it’s growing. It’s present more now than it was when she was eight, ten, thirteen. It’s become a part of their life; she just wishes she knew where it comes from._

“ _Flora, can you get me the broom, please?”_

_She walks to the hall closet, doing as Jamie asked. She wants to rush back, to listen to their hushed conversation, but she uses her better judgment to take her time. They’ll tell her when they want, or need to; she hopes._

“ _I’ll do the washing up from now on, alright? Besides, you’re shit at it anyway.”_

_Flora leans against the wall. Dani nudges Jamie’s arm with her own. She can hear Jamie’s even tone whisper again,_

“ _Oh baby, come here.”_

_She pulls her in tight and sways, gently, back and forth. These moments aren’t rare. The intimacy, the gentleness, it’s a presence that hovers around them, just like the fear. Both share the space around them; sometimes fear wins out, for a moment or two, but the gentleness always returns. Jamie doesn’t give it a choice. She pulls it back, with her words and her hands: pushing hair behind ears, rubbing circles on backs, and pulling shoulders and torsos into full body hugs._

* * *

“Jamie and Dani, they’re your aunts?”

“Not by blood. Jamie worked for my parents for a few years until they died. She met Dani soon before Uncle Henry died. We didn’t have anyone else so they took us in.”

“That’s very noble of them. They sound like good people.”

Flora scoffs, he doesn’t even know the half of it. She isn’t sure she could ever fully explain what these two women mean to her, everything they represent and embody, but she figures he won’t let her leave without giving it a try.

“Jamie is the kind of person that would literally give you the shirt off her back, you know? She tries to act all hard and tough but deep down, or not so deep down I guess, she’s soft.”

* * *

_Flora has a bad habit of getting out of bed in the middle of the night. She has since she could remember. Sometimes she just sits at the counter and has a glass of water. Other times she’ll lay on the couch and read, or go out on the patio and listen to the crickets. It’s the only time she’s ever truly alone._

_Except, there are some nights when she isn’t alone. There are some nights Jamie is up too. She says it’s because she’s not tired, but she can see the exhaustion clear on her face. She knows she’s lying, to protect her from whatever is truly keeping her awake. That’s what Jamie has always done; protected them._

“ _Hey there, mate, can’t sleep?”_

_Flora nearly jumps out of her skin when she steps into the living room. Jamie is sat, in the recliner, in the far corner. The small lamp next to her barely illuminates her face, but it’s enough for Flora to make out a smirk._

“ _Not really, no.”_

“ _Come have a seat.”_

_Flora sits herself on the arm of the recliner, her legs rest on top of Jamie’s._

“ _It seems we’re meeting more and more often like this these days.”_

“ _Are we?”_

_Flora does her best to avoid the question, that hasn’t been asked yet, at least not in so many words. She shakes her head, biting the inside of her cheek._

“ _You need your sleep, love.”_

“ _I could say the same thing to you.”_

“ _You sound just like Dani.” Jamie chuckles. Another pause. “You’re missing him.”_

_It isn’t a question. First breakups are never easy. It hit Flora harder than she ever expected. She cried for almost two days after her boyfriend, Matthew, ended it._

“ _Yeah.”_

“ _I’m sorry.”_

_They sit in silence. Enjoying each other’s company in the dark, in the quiet, for a while. Jamie rests one of her hands on Flora’s leg, and Flora reaches down to play with her bracelet. They’ve always had an easy silence; within it there is respect and understanding. Flora has felt more seen and heard in their silences than she has through any words ever spoken._

“ _What were you doing out here anyway?”_

“ _I was going through my old records. Dani says I have too many, but I can’t seem to part with any of them.”_

_She leans over the side of the chair and pulls out an album with a tattered sleeve._

“ _The Talking Heads?” Flora asks, scrunching up her nose. “Never heard of ‘em.”_

“ _Have I taught you nothing?”_

“ _Apparently.”_

_Flora gets down from the chair and starts browsing through the records. She pulls out a record as she says,_

“ _I know this one.”_

“ _Blondie. That’s a classic right there.”_

_Flora puts the record on, making sure the volume is turned down, so she doesn’t wake Dani; a mistake she has made before._

_Hanging On The Telephone starts playing. Flora sits back against the couch and pulls her knees up to her chest._

“ _You know I could just burn all these songs onto CD’s for you.”_

“ _You and your CD’s.” Jamie says, with the slightest bit of playful disdain. “I like the scratches. Records show their age just like people. That’s what I like about them. The songs are the thoughts, the memories, but the scratches, the little grooves and digs that get engraved over time, that’s where the real life lives; in the body.”_

_Jamie joins Flora on the floor, sitting against the couch next to her. Flora rests her head on Jamie’s shoulder._

“ _Nothing has a life worth living without suffering a little damage.”_

_Flora feels a warm tear, drip down her cheek; she hadn’t noticed the stinging in her eyes until now. She hadn’t realized the tension built up in her chest until she was finally able to let it go._

“ _People may think you’re fragile. But you’re resilient, just like these records. You have dings, and scratches, and things that make you jump; but you always end up back on track.”_

“ _Thank you.”_

_Jamie kisses her head and rests her cheek on top of her hair._

_The next morning, when Flora wakes up, her blankets are tossed aside, hanging mostly off the bed. She pushes herself up on her elbows. Her head hurts and her eyes feel puffy. She rubs them and blinks a few times before she notices something gray sitting on the foot of her bed._

_The fabric is soft, and worn, there is a tiny hole along the neckline. She holds it up to see a graphic on the front._

“ _Blondie.” She says, with a smirk. “Of course.”_

* * *

“And Dani?”

Flora takes in a deep breath. When she is finally able to let it out, it’s long and shuddery. This is the most she’s talked about Dani since, well, since it happened. She’s barely allowed herself to think about her because the pain in her chest gets too overwhelming. She feels like she should be dead too. She feels like she could be dead right now, and no one would know. Like the last little bits of life have been shed away and she’s left, a ghost, in her own life.

She imagines she must have felt the same way when her parents died; she imagines that’s the way it has to be when you lose someone that is so much a part of you. Except this time it’s worse; this time she remembers everything.

“Dani, is, was, my favorite... She was my favorite kind of person. Jamie always said it was because we were so much alike but really I think it was because we were opposites. She was,” She chuckles, “a weirdo. She was jittery and jumpy. She always woke us up too early for school. She always made us put on a sweater, even when it was warm out, because she didn’t want us to catch a cold. She was, well to be honest, she was kind of a wreck.”

Flora lets out another gentle chuckle at the memories.

“But she loved harder than anyone I’d ever known. And she was so smart. She home schooled me and Miles for a few years when we first moved to the states. I remember being eight years old, at our old kitchen table, thinking that she knew everything.”

“Nobody knows everything.”

“Yeah, I know that now.”

* * *

“ _You’re being totally unfair.”_

_Jamie is met with Flora’s voice, overwhelmingly loud, as soon as she walks through the front door. Dani is stood in front of her, one hand on her hip, the other pressing into her temple._

“ _What’s the problem?”_

“ _James asked me to go with him to a party tonight and Dani won’t let me go.”_

“ _A party, huh?”_

_Jamie says, looking at Dani. They do that a lot; have conversations with each other without actually speaking. Flora always thought that it was special but she hates when they use it against her._

“ _It’s not like I’ve never gone to a party before. I don’t drink and I don’t do drugs, I just want to go be with my friends. I don’t know why I can’t go.”_

“ _Flora, can you just-”_

“ _It’s at his friends lake house.” Dani says, her tone weak, barely audible._

_Even still, it stops the conversation in its tracks. Flora isn’t sure why but she can’t deny the shift in the air._

“ _I’m sorry, Flora. Maybe you can go to the next one.” Jamie says._

“ _This is ridiculous.”_

_Flora stalks off down the hallway. They wait for the door to slam before Jamie moves closer, taking Dani in her arms._

“ _I know it’s ridiculous. There’s no reason she can’t go, I just-”_

“ _It’s not. It’s not ridiculous.”_

“ _She’s in more danger here, than she is there.” Dani says, honestly, looking right into Jamie’s eyes._

_Jamie wants to deny it. But one look at those eyes, the blue and brown, and she knows it’s true._

“ _I love those kids more than anything but sometimes I think it was a mistake taking them with us.”_

“ _Don’t say that.”_

“ _It’s true. There’s going to come a time where they’re going to…” She takes a deep breath and stiffens her jaw before she says, “There’s going to come a time where you all are going to lose me. I don’t know when, and I don’t know how, but you will have to explain to them… I’m so sorry.”_

“ _If we lose you, here is what I will say to them. I will say that you loved them more than they could ever possibly know. I’ll tell them that you were selfless and heroic. You spent so much of your life worrying about their future because you did everything you could to make sure they had one. There is not a shred of truth in this world that could make those kids love you any less; and there is no lie that you could ever tell yourself that would make you less deserving of it all.”_

_Flora leans against the outside of her closed bedroom door. She had never actually walked through it. She wanted to hear what Dani would say. She’s not proud of it but after hearing their conversation she feels too heavy to move._

* * *

“She was different at the end though. She wasn’t my Dani anymore. It was like the life had been sucked out of her. Sometimes I would walk into a room and she would just be standing there, staring.”

“At you?”

“No, at the microwave or the water from the faucet or out the window. It was like, she was there but she wasn’t. You could see how tired she was, just all the time.” Flora’s voice cracks, while she tries her hardest not to cry, “Whatever it was that took her… she was gone long before she died. But it’s weird.”

“What’s that?”

“I talked to her, the night she… the night she left. I saw _her_.”

“What did she say?”

This is it. This is the dark spot in her memory, the thought she has tried desperately to avoid.

* * *

“ _Dani?”_

_Flora’s voice is a raspy whisper. She blinks through the dark of her bedroom to the silhouette in the doorway._

“ _Hi, sweet girl.”_

_It’s the nickname she’s known her whole life, or at least what she can remember of it. It’s what she’s been called in the softest moments. It always fills her with comfort and warmth, except now. Right now, it makes her feel empty and cold. It sends a shiver down her spine._

“ _I didn’t mean to wake you.”_

“ _What are you doing?”_

“ _I was just…” She shakes her head and comes to sit on the edge of the bed._

_If Flora had been looking, really looking, she would have noticed Dani’s hands shaking. She would have noticed the coolness of her skin and the almost ethereal look of her facial features. She would have noticed._

_Instead, all she notices is the lilt of Dani’s voice, the hints of the Midwestern accent that had all but faded in their time in Vermont. Instead, she notices the way she looks into her eyes for the first time in years._

“ _I was just thinking.”_

“ _About what?”_

_Flora pushes herself up, bringing her face closer to Dani’s. In the dark, she can barely see the difference in her eye color but a quick glint of moonlight against them reminds her._

“ _Something you said to me when you were younger.”_

_There’s another long pause. Flora doesn’t speak, afraid to spook this version of Dani back into it’s hiding place; afraid of losing her again._

“ _The night we left England, I asked if you were sad that we were leaving. You said that you were, but you were smiling. I couldn’t understand it. We were leaving so much behind: Bly, your parents, your Uncle Henry. But you said, the way things are is how it’s meant to be. You seemed so sure of it that I guess, I didn’t have any other choice but to believe it.”_

“ _I don’t re-”_

“ _Remember. I know. That’s okay. I forgive you, and your brother, for not remembering. I’m glad you don’t. There are a lot of things I wish I could forget.” She pauses. Lips pursed. “Can you promise me something?”_

“ _Depends.” Flora smirks, and it makes Dani smile too._

“ _Promise me you won’t go looking for all the answers. There are some things that are better off dead and gone.”_

“ _Dead doesn’t always mean gone.”_

_Dani closes her eyes as a single tear drips down her cheek._

“ _God, I hope you’re right.”_

* * *

“What do you think she meant by that?”

Her therapist’s voice jerks her out of this memory. The first time she’s revisited it since that night and she’s been pulled away too soon. She keeps her eyes closed, desperately hoping to go back to it, just once more, but it fades and she is forced to open her eyes again.

She shrugs, “That no matter what, she’ll always be with me, and Miles, and Jamie. That all of the love she gave us, the memories, everything she taught us, is still here, even if her physical body isn’t.”

“Losing someone is never easy. But those things, that’s the stuff we have to hang on to. Those are the things that make living life with others worth living, despite the fact that we are always meant to lose them.”

* * *

“ _God, I hope you’re right.”_

_Flora lays back against her pillow. Dani runs her finger tips up and down her arm, the way she has so many times before; after nightmares, soothing fevers, after Flora’s first break up. She runs her fingertips up and down but this time, she feels nothing. It’s as if her arm is no longer attached to her body. She waits until she falls back asleep. She couldn’t do it any other way. She leans down, to give her one last kiss on the head._

“ _Goodbye, my sweet girl.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come hang: www.lastchildofkrypton.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> come hang:
> 
> www.lastchildofkrypton.tumblr.com


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